I’ve decided to bring on a few guest writers to A Life in the Fashion Lane. This week, I’m introducing Ashley from House of Dorough. She’s a mom blogger, a fashionista, and a stylist in Atlanta. She will be writing a post every Friday!  You can expect topics to revolve around tons of mom + kid content, body image, & more. 

**********

WHERE DOES RESPECT COME FROM?

R – E – S – P – E – C – T

YOU IS SMART, YOU IS KIND, YOU IS IMPORTANT

LOVING YOURSELF & SELF RESPECT

Disclaimer: I honestly have no idea what I’m doing as a parent. My daughter is almost two, and I’m literally winging it.

Growing up, my mom was superwoman and if I disappointed her in the slightest it would break my heart. I looked up to her as a powerful, successful, loving woman who could do no wrong. I wanted to BE her.

That being said, I definitely got into trouble. Not always serious trouble, but trouble nonetheless. I remember getting grounded… a lot. And, from what I remember, I also had some serious attitude problems. (Shocker). This and a whole lotta other things going on in the world make me wonder: where does respect come from? How did my mom teach me to respect her? Am I teaching my daughter to respect me, and more importantly… herself? I often worry that I’m not.

I don’t have the answers to those questions. But I do know that teaching her to respect herself is one of my biggest parenting goals. In order to teach her that, I need to lead by example. Showing her how to love herself from the inside out is key. I haven’t always been the best about this. I often sell myself short, and assume I am not capable of doing certain things. This is something I still struggle with and have to constantly work at.

It took me a while to figure out that if I put my mind to something and am passionate about it, I can do it. Teachers and grown ups will tell you things like that all the time, but I needed to figure it out for myself. I still sometimes find myself trying to figure it all out. Building my career and getting to where I am today hasn’t been easy. I am still building a career for myself, while also trying to build a family and embrace a beautiful marriage.

If I really examine myself, a lot of the self respect issues I had stemmed from problems I had at school. School was always hard for me because I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not a good test taker and I scored terribly on my SAT. I was bored during most of my classes, unless they really engaged me (I loved English class and theatre). College was super tough; I really wanted to be doing something I was passionate about, but instead I was sitting in an awfully boring math class which wasn’t engaging me at all.

Long story short, it took me dropping out and hitting a few bumps on the way to see what I was really capable of doing. I ended up going to a community college where I got the kind of help I needed from my instructors, which in turn, resulted in me getting straight A’s. This made it possible for me to transfer into my dream college, where I found my passion for filmmaking, designing, and writing.

That is just a small glimpse into one way to think about respecting yourself. Every day, take a moment to remember: You are worthy. You are smart. You can DO THIS. Chase after your dreams and know that you’re capable. You don’t need to settle for anything less. Find something you truly love, and go after it.

So again, I ask myself: how do I teach my daughter to respect herself? Maybe I don’t. Maybe I just need to teach her to chase her dreams.

Last night, I went to the Fenty Beauty x Rihanna party in Beverly Hills with a few of my friends and it was a blast! Since I haven’t been in LA for that long due to traveling, I feel like I’ve just been living like I’m on vacation. Now that I’m back for a solid week, it’s time to get down to business. When I was moved to NYC when I was 16, I went out all of the time. Every event or party I felt was an opportunity to network and get my name out there. I still think the same way, but now I’m more particular about where I go. I think it’s incredibly important to be careful when it comes to who you surround yourself with, so that you never feel like you’re ever comparing yourself to your friends or even family.

I got a few DM’s earlier this week from some people who were having some difficultly staying true to who they are. Either they were comparing themselves to their family members, or competing with other girls in their grade. I know how easy it is to compare yourself to other people, and especially compare yourself to people in your school. Middle and high school is such a difficult time period, where everyone is just trying to find their way and come to terms with who they are. You’re not old enough to not live at home, but all you can think about is going to college/getting away, and living your own life. Keep in mind that life is all about phases and steps. You can’t skip over certain parts, like I couldn’t skip over my freshman and sophomore year of high school. I was pretty badly bullied from 7th grade to the end of 8th grade, and that’s a time period I remember wanting to escape so badly. All I could think about was moving away from my small town, following my dreams, and making money! But, looking back, that period of time made me who I am today.

You don’t have to be best friends with your parents, but let them guide you in the right direction. There might be a time when you really, really need them.

P.S. My new writer is coming onboard tomorrow!

Xo,

Alexa

I was reading a really interesting article on Forbes about The Blonde Salad’s Chiara Ferragni early this morning, and it got me thinking about brands and sponsorships. Tomorrow on my newsletter, I’ll be talking about sponsorships and working with your dream brands, so if you’re in the social media world, subscribe and read more about the topic!

It’s incredibly important for me to align myself with brands that are both suitable for teens and their parents. If I was promoting crazy toys and video games, it wouldn’t necessarily align with my brand or mission. Now that I’ve moved to LA for a few months, I’ve been realizing how easy it is to constantly compare yourself to other people. Everyone here is insanely wealthy, perfectly dressed, and perfectly bronzed & waxed. It’s intimidating! Even if you don’t live in a city like LA, you might find yourself feeling like you should change aspects of yourself to fit more into your community. I was walking down the street with one of my friends and she made a comment about how she felt like everyone was looking at her because she wasn’t necessarily “dressed well” or driving a Range Rover. I’m always on my phone (it’s terrible) or never paying attention to anything, so I said back to her “are you kidding? do you really think people pay more attention to you than they pay attention to what they are doing?” And I’m kind of right. For the most part, people aren’t paying attention to what you’re doing because they care too much about what they are doing!

On the topic of loving yourself from within, a makeup brand I really adore is Decorte Cosmetics. Even though I don’t wear heavy makeup, I do use a few products to keep my skin in good shape. I use Skoah cleanser and moisturizer (not even sponsored, I just dig this line) every night and day, and when it comes to daily makeup, I use the Kate Moss & DECORTÉ kit. It’s got everything you need in it. The case is super convenient to carry around, so you don’t have to worry about losing any makeup if you’re always running around, like me! The kit has eye liner, brushes, and eye shadow, all of which I use on the daily. It’s up to you to decide how much you want to apply, so you can take your look from day to night if you’re in college or working during the day. The kit is available at Saks Fifth Avenue or on the Decorte Cosmetics website. It’s a great gift for a girlfriend, or a great gift for your daughter if she is just starting to wear makeup. Even better: this particular kit would be a fantastic item to gift your daughter or niece for a holiday and you can bond over teaching her your tips on how to apply makeup properly!

Remember: beauty comes from the inside, not the outside. It’s important to truly love yourself and not let makeup define you.

Xo,

Alexa

I returned from London and came down with a nasty cold I’ve been fighting for the past few days! I get so frustrated every time I get sick because I always bring the cold onto myself. I was traveling every day in Europe, whether it was moving from hotel to hotel or jumping on a flight to go to a different city. I can’t complain because every flight is an incredible experience, though it’s a good warning for me to slow down a bit!

I’ve been working with British Airways for over three years now, and every time I fly with them I feel so blessed to work with them. Many people don’t like flying, but when you fly with an airline that is incredibly respectable and kind, it’s hard to not almost look forward to the journey. Usually I fly roundtrip from NYC- London, but on this occasion, I was testing out their new Miami route. I got to fly from New York City straight to London (BA operates out of JFK Airport) and then I flew from LHR (Heathrow Airport) straight to Miami International. I wasn’t expecting to sleep the entire way, but on each flight I slept over 75% of the journey which made me blissfully happy.

I always fly World Traveller Plus, which is British Airway’s “regular” class, but I like to consider it one class above regular class because there is another section of seats behind my seating area. The seats recline super far back, which is why I find it super easy to sleep. You’re also supplied with lovely blankets, pillows, ear plugs, and eye masks, to make sure you’ve even more comfortable.

Maybe you’re planning a flight to Europe, or you’re looking to treat yourself…either way, British Airways is the first class airline to fly with. You won’t be disappointed. Sure, the flights are a bit pricier, though you’ll totally understand why once you get on one of their upcoming flights.

Do you remember when you were younger and you tried out for the basketball or volleyball team? The minute you found out whether you made the team was like the biggest surprise ever. That’s how it feels when you get your RSVP approval to London Fashion Week shows. It’s stressful, nerve-wracking, and incredibly intimidating. For shows like Topshop, getting on the list is as hard as picking every red Skittle out of the box.

Luckily, this year I got to sit front row which was very, very exciting! Honestly, the clothing was quite heinous! But the show space was new, and really cool. Located in the heart of Covent Garden, the Topshop show space was an incredibly packed mosh pit of fashionistas, drinking champagne and talking about fashunnnnn. Traveling with my best friend Gabe makes every (not so fun) experience 10000x more fun. Not that watching models strut down a runway in Topshop clothing isn’t fun, but the atmosphere is a bit too intimidating for me.

When we took our seats before the show started, I was sweating so much because of how hot it was in the show space. I don’t know if they wanted the models to lose all of their water weight on the runway or what, but no fashion show space should be as hot as the Topshop space was. Hailey Baldwin, Jourdan Dunn and Joan Smalls all walked down the runway, which was pretty rad since we were sitting front row. I was so close to Hailey Baldwin I could’ve accidentally tripped her, or given her a hug. Either would’ve been fine and incredibly Instagram-worthy moments. I decided to stay calm and not react. I was more concerned with overheating and passing out in front of her.

I’m not sure if anyone else has posted about the Topshop show, but the clothing was absolutely heinous. Nothing but the mini bedazzled black dress was appealing. For such a massive department store, it would’ve been easy for them to put cute clothing on the models. I can’t figure out why all of the outfits were so ugly. But hey, it’s fashion, and not my business. I did respect how much diversity they incorporated into the show. I’m noticing many more designers are incorporating different skin colors AND shapes into shows this season, not just one or the other. It’s incredibly refreshing to see models who you can relate to. Freckles, birth marks, thighs (!!!)

Before we went to the show, we ate frog legs, French fries, and roast chicken at Le Garrick. I’d eat frog legs everyday if I could. That was one of the most delicious and satisfying meals of my life. That’s all for now, I’m off to bed in Paris. 🙂

Xo,

Alexa

I get bored with my hair easier than people get bored with clothing. I wake up every single day wanting to do something new with my hair. Whenever people ask me what inspires me, I honestly have to say hair and makeup because I don’t seem to pay attention to anything else besides those features. When I found out I was heading to London with British Airways, I wanted to get my hair in perfect condition for Fashion Week. I had a few ideas before I went to meet with my Headdress Salon stylist: grey or silver, or a really light blonde. I seriously vibe with girls who have crazy silver or grey hair and dark eye makeup: I think it’s legit the edgiest and sickest look, ever. When I went in for the consultation, my stylist told me that going thatttt light wasn’t a good idea, because to go beach blonde I’d basically have to bleach my hair and then dye it. Apparently, bleaching your hair is never a good idea. I always wondered how Kylie Jenner got her hair so colored until my stylist told me she wears wigs. Now I feel like I have no surprises left in life now that I know the ultimate secret to hair.

After 5.5 hours in the chair, I left Headdress Salon with soft, healthy and shiny hair! As much as I wanted to go a totally different shade, it just wasn’t a good idea. I’m not willing to sacrifice my pretty healthy hair at this age. The last time I got my hair cut was months ago, so we decided to take off a few inches. I don’t love my hair short, but I knew that it would be healthy the minute I chopped a few inches off. During the whole process, I kept wondering if I was going to hate what the outcome was. The thing about changing your hair style is that you leave all of the decisions to your stylist, and that means you basically put your life in their hands. Once your hair is colored and cut, there is no turning back. Because of that, you have to love what you see on the inside and outside. Even if I despised my new hair and thought I looked crazy, I’d have to simply vibe with it. It’s just hair. My hair, my size, my body…none of that defines me. What defines you?

Xo,

Alexa

A few months ago, Laura Cliff emailed me telling me she was a fan of my work and attached links to her pages. I immediately checked her out, and instantly fell in love with her too. Her positive and uplifting attitude is rare, especially in 2017. She posts what she wants, and what she feels. She attended my Big Life dinner in Boston with 9 other girls, and we bonded over our passion for inspiring teens and finding new ways to accept our bodies. I wouldn’t never thought Laura suffered with weight issues or binge issues, and was surprised to hear her tell me her entire story. She’s blonde, tall, and freakin’ stunning. That’s the thing about people: you never really know someone until you see what’s under the surface.

Thank you for being so open and honest, Laura! Love you girl!

A: When did you get started competing in pageants?

L: Miss International was the first and only pageant I’ve ever competed in. Until the idea was presented to me, it had never been something I thought I’d ever want to do. Last summer, I met an empowering and accomplished young woman who has been competing her whole life. It took her a few months, but she finally convinced me that I had a story that needed to be shared and this is one way of getting my message out there in a positive light. Still hesitant, I supported her as she competed for another local title. After seeing her on stage, radiating confidence, I was all in. I wanted to walk across a stage and shine that light. For the girl that I used to be and for so many others who have thought “I am not enough.”

A: What interested you most about pageants?

L: When I first applied for Miss Rhode Island International, I had no idea the work that was involved in pageantry. I knew that this was a way for me to have an audience to speak to about eating disorders, recovery and building confidence. That had always been a goal of mine, but I never knew how to make it come into fruition. Not all pageant systems are the same, not all are platform based. I am so grateful that I was able to compete in Miss International, a system that is 40% interview and platform based. Because of Miss International and my title as Miss Rhode Island International, I’ve been able to reach so many people. It’s very possible that I may compete again in for another title; it has been an incredibly fulfilling experience that I would love to take part in again!

A: What advice would you give to young girls who want to compete?

L: Be unapologetically your-self, it’s not about winning. It’s about the journey; everything you want to accomplish with the crown, you can still accomplish without it! Before competing in August, I never understood why women compete in numerous systems, even if they didn’t want to win. I learned then to check my competitive needs and desire to win at the door and focus on the other benefits a pageant as to offer: personal and professional growth, opportunity, exposure for your platform, life long friendships with your pageant sisters, experience and a really cool story to tell! Ask yourself “why do I want to compete?” and make sure you’re in a system that matches your values. Other than that, have fun!

A: What are some struggles that you have had along the way and how have you gotten past them?

L: As someone in recovery and openly shares her struggles with eating disorders, I am sometimes really disappointed in myself when I slip and binge. I try to share the ups and downs of recovery and not just the successes of it. I struggle a lot with recognizing that just because I am a resource for others, it doesn’t mean that I have to be perfect. Recovery is an on going process; it isn’t being cured. It’s accepting failure and choosing to move forward.  Being a role model for me means being honest with myself that I am human, I am still learning how to tame this beast, and still learning how to love myself. It means learning to change the language I use towards myself when I slip up and use positive affirmations to confidently push forward, tomorrow is always another day.

A: How did it feel to win Miss Rhode Island International?

L: I won the title “at large”, which meant there was no pageant leading up to me winning Miss Rhode Island International 2017; it was an application and interview process. After being offered the title, I felt proud, excited and terrified all at the same time. I still had no idea what being a title-holder really meant or what I could do with it. It wasn’t until I was asked to speak at a series of high schools that I realized what an amazing opportunity this was for me. It wasn’t just a title and a shiny crown; this was an incredible year of growth that I was signing up for. I had to face some issues that I had been long ignoring, recognize within myself parts of my journey that I had been hesitant to share and made the decision to make myself vulnerable by sharing some really dark moments. It still feels like a dream that this actually happened, that I competed in a national pageant, but it has been the most enlightening journey I’ve been on yet!

A: Your platform is eating disorder recovery and positive self-image. What makes you feel so passionate about this platform?

L: I am passionate about this platform because I am living in recovery everyday. I struggled with Obsessive Compulsive Eating Disorder (variation of Binge Eating Disorder, without purging) for thirteen years before receiving adequate treatment; it was ten years before I even received a proper diagnosis. Most of my life I’ve heard “Sorry Kid, these are your genetics” as an answer to why I was overweight. It took a long time to accept that I had an eating disorder, especially coming to terms with having one that was actually still medically Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS), one without a proper treatment protocol. I was forced into treatment, treated as though I had a variety of other eating disorders, so I started masking their symptoms. It was an extremely hard, long and on-going journey to recovery. My hope is that my story will prevent another from going thirteen years without a proper diagnosis and treatment plan and know that they are not alone in this battle. I often look up the hashtag #edwarrior on Instagram and am amazed at the strength I see, I love reading all the stories and I try to comment, connect and encourage as many as I can to keep fighting! It helps me realize how many people are fighting right along with me.

A: What do you hope to accomplish during your time as Miss Rhode Island International?

L: I’ve actually never thought about an end result, I’ve really just been enjoying this ride and the journey of self-discovery it has taken me on. If I had a personal goal, that would be it, this was an important journey for me to take in order to mentally get myself into the place where I could help others. It was entirely unintentional, but the person I was when I first received this honor and the woman I will be in December at the end of my reign are vastly different. With that, I hope to use what I’ve learned about becoming who I am, listening to my inner voice and trusting my gut to empower all individuals to persevere through the hardest of obstacles. I want to be a voice for everyone who at one point in their life, thought they weren’t enough. I feel the reason why I competed was for all of them, I want to use my journey to inspire others to do what they think it impossible. Ultimately, it’s a legacy I’m proud to leave behind as Miss Rhode Island International 2017.

A: How does it feel knowing that you have the ability to empower young girls?

L: It’s a really cool added bonus to doing what I am doing. I have three young, impressionable nieces all venturing into teendom and I hope to be the best role model I can for them. I strive to prove that failure is the best thing that can happen to you, because it allows you to pick yourself back up, re-evaluate and make an even stronger comeback. I hope to show them that it’s ok to be messy and not perfect, its preferred actually. I hope to show them how to be a strong, confident female with absolutely no limitations on what they can accomplish. If other young girls are learning these lessons from my journey, and me then it inspires me to keep pushing forward so I can continue to be a role model for them!

A: What advice do you have to stay positive and keep yourself going?

L: I think Oprah Winfrey actually said it best, “Surround yourself with people who will only lift you higher”. It’s absolutely true! I’m human, so I am going to have moments of insecurity, feel like I can’t accomplish something and sometimes just be in a general funk. It’s ok! It’s not ok to let yourself stay in that funk, give yourself the appropriate time to feel your feels, examine why you feel that way and then take a big scary leap forward. Having a support system of friends who are positive and are just as goal oriented as you are will help in these moments! Most of the time, the reason why you think you can’t accomplish something or why negative thoughts pop up is because of fear. How silly will you feel a few years down the road if you didn’t go after something because you were afraid?

A: Where do you hope to be in the next 5 years?

L: I would love to continue this journey! I look forward to writing a book, going back to school and obtaining a Master’s degree in counseling, and starting a non-profit. Maybe someday even getting married and competing for a Mrs. International title! The past five years have been so momentous in my life, I can’t wait for the next five, and I hope that they’re just as progressive and inspiring!

DVF via Rent the Runway dress, Asos heels

I’m back in London town! I can’t believe I was only hear a few weeks ago…back in July, I came to London & Spain with my boyfriend for Wireless Festival. It’s my fifth (I think) year being in London for Fashion Week. If you search through old blog posts, you’ll see all of my past collaborations with British Airways. Sure, you can fly to London with a budget airline (like WOW Air) but it’s nothing compared to the luxuries that come with flying BA. Poppy Delevingne was on flight to London, which was super cool! Over the past week, I’ve been seated next to Heidi Klum, Fergie, Poppy…I think I’m becoming a celeb magnet.

Back to flying BA: even in their economy seating, you are treated with such respect and kindness that most budget airlines don’t give you. The food is delicious and quality food- I always opt for the gluten-free meal that I choose prior to the flight, and you have unlimited alcohol, juice and water for the whole flight. Plus snacks! My seat reclined super far back on this particular flight, so I got a nice rest while in the air.

When we landed, we took the Heathrow Express directly to London. If you’ve never taken this train into the city, it’s seriously the quickest and most practical route to getting to London from the airport. They gave me a few free trips to review, so I decided to take the train to the city instead of a car. Once we got to London, we jumped on the underground and headed to our hotel. After resting for a bit, Gabe and I headed to a few pre-LFW parties (fashion week starts officially today). We started with Wolf & Badger, and then went to Amanda Wakeley, and ended the night at the New Look party. The New Look party was by far my favorite. Tons of top fashion bloggers were there, along with DJs like SimiHaze. I was over in the corner eating all of the free donuts because they were so freakin’ good. Like I’ve never eaten so many flaky donuts at once. Just wow.

Follow the rest of my LFW stories on Instagram!

Xo,

Alexa

On Sunday, I attended my first event with Aerie for the #AerieReal campaign that I’m a part of! That means in-store events in Manhattan, talking about body image, and speaking to even more young girls about why loving your body is so incredibly important. Since this was the first event, we just had a pilates class and did our own thing. The Aerie store in NYC is seriously adorable. If you haven’t stopped in, I suggest spending a few minutes to go in and shop. Treating yourself is important, but so is being in a store that truly embodies loving your body. The entire Aerie messaging is something I believe in so deeply. When I go into a store nowadays, I feel bombarded with negative pictures, insanely thin and unhealthy models, and more. Going into the Aerie store inspires me to push even harder for teens to embrace their body the way it is. You were born BEAUTIFUL and STRONG, and since there is so much negative content in the media, it’s important to stay humble when you’re constantly looking at pictures that aren’t always the best. I adore that the campaigns showcase real models that are unfiltered and untouched. We’ve all got cellulite and curves: don’t worry about it!

I put a picture above from the Alexander Wang show with Kaia Gerber. She walked out first, and then I ended up seeing Cindy Crawford at a coffee shop I was at yesterday! I almost felt a bit jealous, watching her strut her stuff on the runway, and then I remembered that she’s who she is and I am who I am. No, I was born looking like a supermodel or with a supermodel as a mom, but I’ve got a rockin’ mom too. There’s no point in comparing yourself to someone who you don’t know.

Parents: I advise you to warn your teens, as they get older, that what they see in campaigns and on advertisements isn’t what the models look like in real life. Everyone is struggling with something. Whether it’s me, or you, or Kim Kardashian, or Bella Thorne. We’ve all got something, and most of the time, we’re not going to be talking about what we’re battling behind a screen.

Xo,

Alexa

I spent the past few days in NYC not going to fashion shows, and it was the most relaxing time ever. Immediately when I landed in NYC next week, I instantly felt intimidated and stressed out about being in the city during such a crazy time. If you’ve never been to Fashion Week, it’s a total zoo. People are going crazy everywhere, photographers are tripping over people to get the perfect shot, and it’s just not an authentic environment. I wrote a post a few weeks ago on why I wasn’t going to go to NYFW anymore, and then I won a really cool giveaway (2 free hotel nights) so I had to fly into Manhattan early. I ended up missing the Sachin and Babi show because I don’t seem to be able to manage my schedule well, but got to catch up with friends and attend my Aerie event instead!

Yesterday on Instagram, I posted a picture about talking to my therapist and feeling better about everything. There is such a terrible stigma surrounding mental health, and I want people to know that it’s OKAY to get support from someone you don’t know. It doesn’t mean you are crazy, or going insane: it simply means you’re strong enough to ask for help or talk to someone. There are weeks when I don’t talk to my therapist about anything important, and there are other weeks where I feel so overwhelmed and stressed that I need a solid 40 minutes to talk about myself. Who cares!?

We are working on putting a tab of resources together for all forms of therapy on the Media Impact and Navigation for Teens site: stay tuned! I’m off to London tomorrow with British Airways! 

Xo,

Alexa