The language in relationships these days is changing. We’re learning phrases such as gaslighting and nagging, and we are learning how to spot when somebody is toxic and should be avoided. Those red flags are there for a reason, and that feeling of ick is there for a reason. And if you ignore those feelings and the relationship falls apart, can you really blame anybody else? Of course you can – victim blaming is not the one!

It’s important that you as a person avoid toxicity as much as possible. Whether it’s in the person that you date or whether it’s the person you are, we all have the potential to be a little bit toxic, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to be that way. If you are behaving in a toxic manner and you are wondering what to do when she doesn’t text back, then you really have to look at the way that you speak to people to determine why they haven’t texted you back in the first place. Toxicity in the dating world is rife, and whether that comes from toxic masculinity or it comes from the patriarchy itself, we are all seeing the red flags. So if you want to make sure that you can avoid being a toxic person, here are our tips to help.

1. Pay attention to your values. Are you a person who believes that Andrew Tate is someone who speaks the truth? If so, you could be considered to be pretty toxic. Are you a person who thinks white lies are OK? Then you could consider yourself to be pretty toxic. Are you loyal? If you are loyal to one person when you are dating them, but that person isn’t loyal to you, then where does the toxicity come from? It’s important that you understand your values and what they mean to you, and that you live by them. If you know that you are somebody who is not a feminist, then live by that. But don’t expect the person you are dating to change their belief systems to suit yours.
2. Start listening. It’s so important that you listen to the people you are dating.If you don’t actively listen when people are speaking to you, then you are going to be considered as somebody who’s rude or unfeeling. If you are having a conversation and you act like the other person hasn’t told you something, which can make them feel invalidated and crazy, that makes you toxic. Learn to actively listen and you will be less toxic than you think.
3. Let go of your ego. People who lean into toxic ideologies are often desperate to maintain their image. This is to the point of getting defensive or even attacking other people in their quest to make sure that people only hold one view of them. Lying is a big problem here and nobody can maintain that perfection at all times. It all comes from your ego and if you can let that ego go and just be who you are you are going to find yourself much less toxic than you expect.

Avoid being toxic and learn what makes you that way, so that you can fix it.