Making new friends is not easy, especially in cities. When I moved to LA I struggled with meeting the right people (I like to have high standards for my friends!) & meeting people like me. For the first year I felt incredibly alone in California, which I’ve never experienced in any of the other cities I’ve lived in. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that friendships come to quality over quantity: you don’t need that many friends… what you do need is people who support you from day 1. Alix and I met when I was broke & living in a terrible Bedstuy, Brooklyn apartment- I was selling music festival tickets on Craigslist and met her in a subway station to sell them to her… it’s been years, and she’s one of my closest friends and someone that truly has all of the qualities you want in a friend!
If you find yourself not knowing what type of friends you should look for, I always gage my interest in being friends with someone based on a few traits. I’ve always been someone whose really good at identifying healthy personality traits and unhealthy ones. For example, if I make plans with you multiple times and you cancel, you’re super flaky and I hate people who are like that. Why? Because I don’t have enough time in my day to do what I want to do, so if I’m putting time aside to hang out with you, it’s for a reason! Don’t waste my time or yours. If you find your friends constantly flaking on you, it may be worth sitting down with your friend and telling he/she how you feel. If they continue to cancel on you, the friendship might not be worth your time.
Second, I look for someone who is genuine. I work in entertainment and unfortunately it’s quite often that people will want to hang out with me for the sole sake of the fact I’m verified on Instagram, or have followers. To me, that’s the silliest way to judge someone because you can’t attribute kindness or a chill personality to the amount of followers someone has. Because of that, I know when someone is not being genuine. If you’re talking about me behind my back and my other friends tell me, that’s so not cool. If you find your friend talking to a guy or girl that you’re talking to, that’s not cool either. There’s enough fish in the sea, find your own man! Don’t waste your time on a friend who is beating around the bush when it comes to being friends with you.
Last of all, I look for friends who give me the same respect I give them. I work a lot and I miss out on a lot of fun times because I’m incredibly passionate about my job. My close group of friends knows that, and I know they’re equally busy. I’m getting better at telling someone that I can’t hang out because I’m busy or tired, but I hate disappointing people. If you have a group of friends who really understands you for you, you won’t have to worry about canceling last-minute occasionally or missing out on certain times. Plus, the times you spend together will be even more fulfilled if you aren’t seeing your friends each day of the week.
Listen to more about how I chose my friend group & my advice for those of you struggling with finding the right crew during episode 81 of